


Hard Choices

by Creej



Series: A New Life [1]
Category: White Collar
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 08:26:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13807356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creej/pseuds/Creej
Summary: Elizabeth must make a choice but no matter what choice she makes, she's going to hurt someone.





	Hard Choices

They sat in tableau - Elizabeth, Peter, Neal - the restaurant quiet around them. At least, none of them registered the quiet talk, the clatter of cutlery as Elizabeth looked between the two men. They were here for her decision, to see which of them she'd hurt. She wanted them both, loved them both but she had to choose between them.

There was Peter - solid, steady, slightly goofy in an endearing way and he made her feel safe in a way no one else had. And Neal - charming, witty, handsome, his interests dovetailing so neatly with hers.

She looked down, biting her lip. She had to choose but she couldn't. No, she already had if she was honest but she couldn't form the words, knowing she'd hurt one of them when she did.

 

Peter's heart clenched, seeing the look Elizabeth gave Neal. He was suddenly, absolutely sure what her choice was. Slowly, he stood and carefully pushed his chair in. He gripped the back for a moment before taking a deep breath. "I'll choose," he said quietly then turned to leave.

"Peter..."

He faltered for half a step but continued on, his mind carefully blank as he made his way back to his apartment. He was hurt, yes, but not surprised. Not really. Neal was the obvious choice, anyone would agree. He'd probably known it since Neal had entered the picture. But he'd still hung on to the hope that Elizabeth would want him more than she wanted Neal, that she loved him enough. A foolish hope he now knew. It probably always had been.

He dropped into a chair and closed his eyes, letting his head fall back, refusing to let the tears fall. He should have known he couldn't compete with Neal, was stupid to even try. The other man was everything he wasn't, his gentle courtship of Elizabeth had nothing of Peter's tongue-tied fumblings he was prone to in matters of the heart. Neal knew what to do, what to say to win a woman over.

He sighed, hearing a knock on the door and reluctantly got up to answer it.

"Why'd you leave?' Neal asked.

"Why do you think?" Peter went to the kitchen and got a beer. He didn't offer the other man one, knowing Neal's tastes ran more toward wine. "She chose you."

"No, you chose for her," Neal said.

"I acknowledged the choice she'd already made," Peter said. "I simply spared her from stating the obvious."

"You don't know..."

"Yes, I do," Peter said, interrupting him. "It was there in the look she gave you. She never looked at me like that." He took a long swallow of his beer. "It was foolish to think she could love me like she loves you. You're a better fit then I am. Next to you I'm an uncultured moron, too simple, too plebeian."

"You're just as intelligent, just as smart as I am," Neal said.

"Not about the things she finds important," Peter said. "And I've seen the way she lights up around you. With me...I might as well be her brother...or an uncle. She chose you, whether she said it or not." He sighed. "I'm not mad," he said. "I'm happy for you really. You have the woman of your dreams and it was just my luck that she was mine too." He dropped back into his chair, not protesting when Neal took a seat on the couch. "I was stupid," he said, fiddling with the bottle. "I should have known from the minute you two met. I could practically see the sparks fly between you."

"She does love you Peter," Neal said.

"Maybe," Peter said non commitally. "Maybe she wants to but you can't force it. She'd have to with me, I think but not with you."

"I think she wants both of us," Neal said.

"I couldn't share her," Peter said. "Could you?" Neal remained silent. "I didn't think so." He let out a breath. "So, why aren't you with her right now? Evening's still young..."

"I told her I wanted to talk to you," Neal said.

"She probably thinks you're here to warn me off," Peter said. "No worries. I'll stay out of your way. It's not like I want to be reminded I came up short."

"Don't do that..." Neal sighed.

"Just stating the truth," Peter said. "She took my measure and found me wanting." He paused. "Can't say I'm surprised, really. My gut told me but I still held on to that hope. I should have listened to it and backed off, spared myself the heartache. So, my fault really." He shooed Neal toward the door. "Now go. I'll be fine. I imagine she's waiting for you."

 

A few weeks later, he came home to find Elizabeth waiting for him inside, sitting relaxed on the couch. He'd forgotten he'd given her a key. He held out a hand, palm up. "I think it's past time you returned that," he said.

"Peter..."

"No Elizabeth," Peter said. "You're with Neal. You can't just show up and let yourself in anymore."

She stood and pressed the key into his hand. "I never wanted to hurt you," she said.

"You were always going to," Peter said. "I think we both knew that."

"I suppose you want me to return all the things you gave me," Elizabeth said, stepping back.

"Either return them or get rid of them," Peter said. "I doubt you - or Neal - want reminders of the one who wasn't good enough."

"But you _are_..."

"Not for you," Peter said, cutting her off. "You made that choice months ago."

"I _didn't_!"

"Yes, you did," Peter said. "I saw how you were with him and you were never like that with me. Everyone saw it." He tossed the key onto the coffee table, regarding it as he asked, "Do you know how many times I was asked who my friend was when we were out together? It was like no one could even consider the idea that we might actually be dating. I doubt very much they assumed you and Neal were just friends."

"Your gut tell you that?"

"No, my eyes did," Peter said. "You two are perfect together. No one would assume you're anything but romantically involved." He gave her a gentle push toward the door. "Go," he said. "Go back to Neal, where you want to be."

"Will you come to dinner with us this weekend?"

"No," Peter said.

"Why not? We'd like you to," Elizabeth said.

"I can't," Peter said. "I've been real busy at work. Lots of overtime."

"You'll let us know when you can?" Elizabeth paused then said softly, "We both miss you."

"I'll let you know," Peter said.

He leaned back against the closed door, feeling only slightly guilty about lying to her. He had no intention of joining them for dinner - not now, possibly not ever. He had no intention of associating with them at all. He wasn't an emotional masochist - seeing them together, knowing they were _together _would only hurt.__

__

__"He called off again, didn't he?" Elizabeth said, pouring herself and Neal a glass of wine. She sat beside him, her hand resting on his knee._ _

__"Doesn't surprise me really," Neal said, setting his phone aside. "He's blown us off every time we've asked."_ _

__"You don't think he's really that tied up at work," Elizabeth said._ _

__"He could be," Neal said._ _

__"But you don't think so."_ _

__"I think he's cutting us out of his life," Neal said. "Without actually telling us to fuck off." He sipped his wine. "Can't blame him really," he said. "We hurt him that day."_ _

__"It was me," Elizabeth said. "He's cutting _me_ out of his life and you by extension."_ _

__"Did you _really_ choose me that day?"_ _

__"I love you both," Elizabeth said, curling up next to him. "I wanted you both but I knew neither of you could share. So yeah, I chose you...and Peter knows it."_ _

__"Do you regret it?"_ _

__"Of course not," Elizabeth said. "But I do regret hurting him."_ _

__

__Peter looked up at the tap on his office door, his expression going blank at seeing who was there. Neal._ _

__"I don't have time," Peter said._ _

__"You're avoiding us," Neal said, taking a seat despite the lack of invitation._ _

__"I'm busy," Peter said._ _

__"You're still avoiding us. Why?"_ _

__"Why do you think?" Peter said, letting a little irritation show through. "Jesus, Neal, do you think I _want_ to be reminded of what I can't have? Of knowing I wasn't good enough? She chose _you_ and I'm well aware of that fact."_ _

__"So you're cutting us out of your life."_ _

__"For my own peace of mind, I have to," Peter said. "Don't make it harder for me than it has to be."_ _

__"I thought you loved her," Neal said._ _

__"I do," Peter said. "But she loves _you_. Tell me, wouldn't you have done the same if our positions were reversed? If she'd chosen me?" He opened the file in front of him. "Now, please leave. I have work to do." As Neal reached the door, he added, "And Neal...don't ask again. I'm not going to change my mind."_ _

__"Elizabeth might try to change it."_ _

__"Tell her not to waste her time," Peter said. "Just leave me alone. It's better for us all if you do."_ _

__But he couldn't concentrate when Neal left, replaying the scene at the restaurant, seeing Elizabeth's expression as she looked at Neal - the love so obvious it almost hurt, his sudden realization that he'd never really had a chance. It had been months since that day but it was still fresh in his mind._ _

__Toward the end of the day his phone rang and he answered almost absently. "Burke."_ _

__"Come to dinner tonight."_ _

__"Elizabeth, no. I'm asking you...no, I'm _telling_ you, if you ever, even once, cared about me, you'll lose my number, forget my address and where I work. Don't keep doing this to me. Please." Before she could respond, he disconnected._ _

__He packed up and left shortly after, knowing he wouldn't be able to get any more accomplished. If he didn't know better, he'd think they _wanted_ to hurt him, keep reminding him that he'd come in second. Why couldn't they just accept the fact that he had to cut them off?_ _

__

__It seemed they finally got the message. He'd had no contact from them in months - no calls, no unexpected visits. He saw them on occasion but made no effort to draw their attention. It was on one of these occasions that he saw Elizabeth sporting some new jewelry - an engagement ring._ _

__But perhaps they hadn't gotten the message completely. As he looked through his mail one day, he came across a thick envelope. Inside was an invitation - to Neal's and Elizabeth's wedding. Immediately, he pulled out his phone, intending to call and refuse but had a different thought. Instead, he tore the invitation in half then in half again until it resembled something close to confetti. Finding an envelope, he addressed it to Elizabeth and placed the shredded invitation inside._ _

__

__"Peter's coming?' Elizabeth asked, seeing the return address._ _

__"No, don't think so," Neal said, dumping the contents of the envelope on the table. "I think he's made that abundantly clear."_ _

__"He hates me," Elizabeth said._ _

__"No, he's still hurting," Neal corrected. "You'd be hard to get over. I can understand that."_ _

__"I just...I just wanted to thank him," Elizabeth said softly. "If it wasn't for him, I'd never have met you."_ _

__"He doesn't want your thanks for breaking his heart, El," Neal said._ _

__"I know I did," Elizabeth said. "But I didn't want to. I _never_ wanted to." She sighed. "But I was going to hurt someone that day and I knew it."_ _

__"Do you still love him?"_ _

__"I love _you_ Neal," Elizabeth said._ _

__"I know you do but you didn't answer my question," Neal said. "Do you still love him?"_ _

__Elizabeth was silent for a few minutes, idly playing with the ragged bits of paper that used to be an invitation. "A little still," she said. "I think I could have been happy with him, happy settling down and building a life with him. But he made the choice I didn't want to, took it out of my hands that day. He made the decision to remove himself from the equation and let us have each other." She let out a breath. "He told me I'd made the choice months earlier," she said. "And I can't honestly say he was wrong."_ _

__

__Peter leaned against his car in the church parking lot, watching as the wedding party and guests gathered in front, waiting for the bride and groom. Elizabeth looked lovely and Neal was handsome as he'd known they'd be as they descended the stairs amidst a shower of rice and flower petals. Elizabeth paused at the bottom and turned her back, her bouquet went sailing over her shoulder then she and Neal hurried to the limo parked out front, its trunk plastered with a 'Just Married' sign and cans tied to the bumper in long tails._ _

__He hadn't planned to be there, no consciously anyway but he found himself there regardless - maybe he _was_ a little emotionally masochistic._ _

__He straightened and dug out his keys, his mind on the work he still had waiting for him at home. He rounded the car and was brought up short when he collided with a woman, her purse spilling its contents._ _

__"Oh, I am so sorry," she exclaimed, crouching down to gather her things._ _

__"No, my fault entirely," Peter said as he helped h er. "Should have watched where I was going."_ _

__She gazed at him, biting her lip, her green eyes holding embarrassment and a little mischief. "I'm Hannah," she said._ _

__"Peter," he said. "A friend of the bride or groom?"_ _

__"What? Oh, no, I wasn't here for the wedding," she said. "My aunt lives close by. Zero parking by her house so I usually park here." She closed her purse and straightened as he did. "You?"_ _

__"It's...complicated," Peter said. "I was invited but couldn't bring myself to attend." He shrugged. "Long story."_ _

__Hannah dropped her gaze, feeling her face warm in a blush. "I usually don't do this," she said. "But...would you have a drink with me? I'd like to hear the story...if you don't mind telling it."_ _

__Peter smiled and she returned it. "I'd like that," he said._ _


End file.
